Completion for now : number 1

I showed my poem to a English conversation teacher.
She pointed out some improper use of words.
So I corrected them and I decided
the following was the completion of number 1 for now.

I will post number 2 in a week.


(number 1 revision 2)
Over the Wave

Oh, your heart
Floats on the tide.
May your heart
Lie with the pride,
And have dreams
In snow flakes.

Oh, my heart
left on the shores.
May my heart
Survive the tears,
And dreams vanish
In rain drops.

Oh, our hearts
Become a pair.
May our hearts
Dance in the air,
And have steps
In cherry blossoms.

with rhymes : number 1

Thank you, john01e and Baz, for posting comments.
I realized that I was so ignorant about English poems
and my poem had a strong taste like a Haiku.
This attempt might be reckless of me,
but please let me continue a little more.
I read about 'rhyme' 'iamb' 'Tetrameter' etc,
but they are so tough to understand.
First I tried to add some rhymes on my poem.
Please check it again.


(number 1 revision 1)
Over the Wave

Oh, your heart
Floats on the tide.
May your heart
Lie on the pride,
And have dreams
In snow flakes.

Oh, my heart
Sticks to the shores.
May my heart
Survive the tears,
No more dreams
In rain drops.

Oh, our hearts
Become a pair.
May our hearts
Dance in the air,
And have steps
In cherry blossoms

Hello : number 1

I'm ken, a male in fifties from Sendai Japan.
Just after the big earthquake and tsunami on March 11th 2011, 
I wanted to make a poem in English,
because I want people of the world to know a little about the spirit of Tohoku
which is an area the disaster beat.
I'm not a native English user and this is my first attempt to write a poem.
So, there should be lots of mistakes not only in poems but also in titles and sentences.
And, there should be lots of advices to elaborate the poem to make it better.
Please tell me any indication and any advice which you hit upon.
I will adopt all the ideas that I can understand.
In the beginning, I dare show you my rough draft of a poem.
It may be once in a month.
Then I will revise it again and again according to the advices.

(number 1 revision 0)
Tsunami

Missing hearts,
Floating on the sea,
Lying on the land,
After shallow dreams.

Surviving alone,
Sipping a cup of tea,
Saving tears again,
Under cherry blossoms.