Because I don't want to drive the readers
feelings, I decided to remove the word
'surprise' from the poem, and revised it
as follows.
(number 6 : revision 2)
After the typhoon
Just after the rain stopped,
Lot's of bicycles rushed out
From the big high-school gate.
A yellow umbrella turned around
With a little girl under it.
The sky regained bright blue.
Strong winds still blew.
Just after the road dried,
Lot's of spots appeared
All around the sidewalk.
A yellow umbrella fell from
The hand of the little girl.
She found many pressed tiny frogs,
Flattened creatures with four legs.
Just after the typhoon went by.
Just after the typhoon went by.
The sky regained bright blue.
Strong winds still blew.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Revision by my family : number 6
There was a comment from my family
who used my account.
I revised the nember 6 as following:
(number 6 : revision 1)
After the typhoon
Just after the rain stopped,
Lot's of bicycles rushed out
From the big high-school gate.
A yellow umbrella turned around
With a little girl under it.
The sky regained bright blue.
Strong winds still blew.
Just after the road dried,
Lot's of spots appeared
All around the sidewalk.
A yellow umbrella fell from
The hand of the little girl.
Surprised to see pressed tiny frogs,
Flattened creatures with four legs.
Just after the typhoon went by.
Just after the typhoon went by.
The sky regained bright blue.
Strong winds still blew.
who used my account.
I revised the nember 6 as following:
(number 6 : revision 1)
After the typhoon
Just after the rain stopped,
Lot's of bicycles rushed out
From the big high-school gate.
A yellow umbrella turned around
With a little girl under it.
The sky regained bright blue.
Strong winds still blew.
Just after the road dried,
Lot's of spots appeared
All around the sidewalk.
A yellow umbrella fell from
The hand of the little girl.
Surprised to see pressed tiny frogs,
Flattened creatures with four legs.
Just after the typhoon went by.
Just after the typhoon went by.
The sky regained bright blue.
Strong winds still blew.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The May season : number 5
I think the most beautiful season of Tohoku is
a period from May holidays to the beginning of
the rainy season.
Especially the thin green color of the new leaves
is very beautiful and it is supposed to be a symbol
of Tohoku in Japan.
No matter what great grief Tohoku peoples have,
they appreciate this season with various thoughts.
(number 5 : revision o)
The park in May
New Leaves sprout on the trees
Rustling under the blue sky.
When mothers in the park
Call the names of their kids,
The sound of the leaves
Seem to grow louder.
Colorful flowers bloom on the trees
Shinning under the blue sky.
When principals in the park
Call the names of their pupils,
The color of the flowers
Seem to grow brighter.
The young trees stand in the park
Pointing toward the blue sky.
When gardeners in the park
Count all the trees again,
The number of the trees
Seem to Increase mysteriously.
a period from May holidays to the beginning of
the rainy season.
Especially the thin green color of the new leaves
is very beautiful and it is supposed to be a symbol
of Tohoku in Japan.
No matter what great grief Tohoku peoples have,
they appreciate this season with various thoughts.
(number 5 : revision o)
The park in May
New Leaves sprout on the trees
Rustling under the blue sky.
When mothers in the park
Call the names of their kids,
The sound of the leaves
Seem to grow louder.
Colorful flowers bloom on the trees
Shinning under the blue sky.
When principals in the park
Call the names of their pupils,
The color of the flowers
Seem to grow brighter.
The young trees stand in the park
Pointing toward the blue sky.
When gardeners in the park
Count all the trees again,
The number of the trees
Seem to Increase mysteriously.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
revised : number 4
I showed my fourth poem to my English teacher.
She advised me to make its meaning clearer.
I revised it as the following.
(number 4 : revision 1)
A janitor murmured
He disappeared suddenly,
On the last day of camp.
I screamed I missed him.
My classmates said, who?
They didn't see him.
My teacher said, oh!
I must have dreamed.
He disappeared suddenly,
With a memory of hide-and-seek.
I shouted I saw him.
My classmate said, who?
They didn't see him.
The principal murmured,
He had been to be here.
He disappeared suddenly,
Just after playing on the stairs.
I said I loved him.
My classmates said, who?
You've lost your mind.
The janitor sighed,
He had been such a good boy.
She advised me to make its meaning clearer.
I revised it as the following.
(number 4 : revision 1)
A janitor murmured
He disappeared suddenly,
On the last day of camp.
I screamed I missed him.
My classmates said, who?
They didn't see him.
My teacher said, oh!
I must have dreamed.
He disappeared suddenly,
With a memory of hide-and-seek.
I shouted I saw him.
My classmate said, who?
They didn't see him.
The principal murmured,
He had been to be here.
He disappeared suddenly,
Just after playing on the stairs.
I said I loved him.
My classmates said, who?
You've lost your mind.
The janitor sighed,
He had been such a good boy.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Children : number 4
About three months have passed since the earthquake.
Children here play joyfully as they used to do.
Sometimes they talk about mysterious happenings.
Their game machines moves by themselves,
or music instruments make sounds without players,
or chattering is heard from the empty classroom, etc.
I tried to make a poem for kids.
(number 4 : revision o)
Janitor murmured
He disappeared suddenly,
On the last day of the camping.
I screamed I missed him.
Classmates said, Who?
They didn't know him.
Teacher said, Oh!
I must have dreamed.
He disappeared suddenly,
With a memory of a hide-and-seek.
I shouted I saw him.
Classmate said, Who?
They didn't see him.
Principal talked to himself,
He had been to be.
He disappeared suddenly,
Just after jumping down the stairs.
I said I loved him.
Classmates said, Who?
I lost my mind.
Janitor sighed and murmured,
He had been a good boy.
reference:
http://www.asahi.com/english/TKY201106030170.html
Children here play joyfully as they used to do.
Sometimes they talk about mysterious happenings.
Their game machines moves by themselves,
or music instruments make sounds without players,
or chattering is heard from the empty classroom, etc.
I tried to make a poem for kids.
(number 4 : revision o)
Janitor murmured
He disappeared suddenly,
On the last day of the camping.
I screamed I missed him.
Classmates said, Who?
They didn't know him.
Teacher said, Oh!
I must have dreamed.
He disappeared suddenly,
With a memory of a hide-and-seek.
I shouted I saw him.
Classmate said, Who?
They didn't see him.
Principal talked to himself,
He had been to be.
He disappeared suddenly,
Just after jumping down the stairs.
I said I loved him.
Classmates said, Who?
I lost my mind.
Janitor sighed and murmured,
He had been a good boy.
reference:
http://www.asahi.com/english/TKY201106030170.html
Friday, May 20, 2011
Sinful ? : number3
I used the word 'darkness' for telling my depressive status
in this poem, and also 'toward the light' meant 'I want to
be brighter'.
But my English conversation teacher pointed out that
'darkness' could be associated with sin, and
'toward the light' could mean 'I am repenting of my sin'.
I don't want the poem to have such a religious meaning.
So, I revised it as following.
(number 3 revision 1)
Del Sol
Came with a stomachful of dark clouds.
Came without any appetite.
Came here with no reason.
A bite of the Salad tasted of the light.
The dark clouds disappeared.
Each slice of the Pizza tasted of the sun,
Made me hungrier by the bite.
Del Sol, a cooker of the sun,
Reminded me,
To walk in the light.
in this poem, and also 'toward the light' meant 'I want to
be brighter'.
But my English conversation teacher pointed out that
'darkness' could be associated with sin, and
'toward the light' could mean 'I am repenting of my sin'.
I don't want the poem to have such a religious meaning.
So, I revised it as following.
(number 3 revision 1)
Del Sol
Came with a stomachful of dark clouds.
Came without any appetite.
Came here with no reason.
A bite of the Salad tasted of the light.
The dark clouds disappeared.
Each slice of the Pizza tasted of the sun,
Made me hungrier by the bite.
Del Sol, a cooker of the sun,
Reminded me,
To walk in the light.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Brightly : number 3
Two months have passed since the earthquake and the tsunami.
People around me look normal as they had been.
But actually the economical condition in Sendai area is terribly bad.
And people here are always uneasy at little earthquakes that we have almost everyday.
Nobody here can't have confidence that the bright future will come.
My wife and I are also irritable about trivial things without knowing.
Last Monday, we happened to go to a pizza restaurant for lunch without any conversation.
But after taking lunch, we could get back home with lots of words.
I made my third poem at the restaurant with big gratitude.
(number 3 revision 0)
Del Sol
Came with a stomachful of darkness.
Came without any appetite.
Came here with no reason.
A bite of the Salad tasted of the light.
The darkness disappeared.
Each slice of the Pizza tasted of the sun,
Made me hungry and hungry.
Del Sol, a cooker of the sun,
Reminded me to walk,
Toward the light.
People around me look normal as they had been.
But actually the economical condition in Sendai area is terribly bad.
And people here are always uneasy at little earthquakes that we have almost everyday.
Nobody here can't have confidence that the bright future will come.
My wife and I are also irritable about trivial things without knowing.
Last Monday, we happened to go to a pizza restaurant for lunch without any conversation.
But after taking lunch, we could get back home with lots of words.
I made my third poem at the restaurant with big gratitude.
(number 3 revision 0)
Del Sol
Came with a stomachful of darkness.
Came without any appetite.
Came here with no reason.
A bite of the Salad tasted of the light.
The darkness disappeared.
Each slice of the Pizza tasted of the sun,
Made me hungry and hungry.
Del Sol, a cooker of the sun,
Reminded me to walk,
Toward the light.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Step forward : number 2
During May holidays, I mended my book shelves
and arranged back the books which had been lying
all over my room.
Somehow I could get back my life as it used to be.
The following is my second poem.
Please check it and post comments if you like
on anything you notice.
I would appreciate your help and advice.
(number 2 revision 0)
A shelter for you
Shining stars twinkle so high,
Silent night, dark quiet night.
Rosy cheeks look up to the sky.
Surprisingly calm,
In a blacked-out night.
Little flames flicker in your eyes,
Silent night, shiver-shivery night.
Tiny hands hang on tight.
Wonderfully cozy,
In an earthquake night.
Dogs' howling sound so far,
Silent night, long lasting night.
With your breathing heard softer.
We are at peace,
Even if the morning birds never sing.
and arranged back the books which had been lying
all over my room.
Somehow I could get back my life as it used to be.
The following is my second poem.
Please check it and post comments if you like
on anything you notice.
I would appreciate your help and advice.
(number 2 revision 0)
A shelter for you
Shining stars twinkle so high,
Silent night, dark quiet night.
Rosy cheeks look up to the sky.
Surprisingly calm,
In a blacked-out night.
Little flames flicker in your eyes,
Silent night, shiver-shivery night.
Tiny hands hang on tight.
Wonderfully cozy,
In an earthquake night.
Dogs' howling sound so far,
Silent night, long lasting night.
With your breathing heard softer.
We are at peace,
Even if the morning birds never sing.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Completion for now : number 1
I showed my poem to a English conversation teacher.
She pointed out some improper use of words.
So I corrected them and I decided
the following was the completion of number 1 for now.
I will post number 2 in a week.
(number 1 revision 2)
Over the Wave
Oh, your heart
Floats on the tide.
May your heart
Lie with the pride,
And have dreams
In snow flakes.
Oh, my heart
left on the shores.
May my heart
Survive the tears,
And dreams vanish
In rain drops.
Oh, our hearts
Become a pair.
May our hearts
Dance in the air,
And have steps
In cherry blossoms.
She pointed out some improper use of words.
So I corrected them and I decided
the following was the completion of number 1 for now.
I will post number 2 in a week.
(number 1 revision 2)
Over the Wave
Oh, your heart
Floats on the tide.
May your heart
Lie with the pride,
And have dreams
In snow flakes.
Oh, my heart
left on the shores.
May my heart
Survive the tears,
And dreams vanish
In rain drops.
Oh, our hearts
Become a pair.
May our hearts
Dance in the air,
And have steps
In cherry blossoms.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
with rhymes : number 1
Thank you, john01e and Baz, for posting comments.
I realized that I was so ignorant about English poems
and my poem had a strong taste like a Haiku.
This attempt might be reckless of me,
but please let me continue a little more.
I read about 'rhyme' 'iamb' 'Tetrameter' etc,
but they are so tough to understand.
First I tried to add some rhymes on my poem.
Please check it again.
(number 1 revision 1)
Over the Wave
Oh, your heart
Floats on the tide.
May your heart
Lie on the pride,
And have dreams
In snow flakes.
Oh, my heart
Sticks to the shores.
May my heart
Survive the tears,
No more dreams
In rain drops.
Oh, our hearts
Become a pair.
May our hearts
Dance in the air,
And have steps
In cherry blossoms
I realized that I was so ignorant about English poems
and my poem had a strong taste like a Haiku.
This attempt might be reckless of me,
but please let me continue a little more.
I read about 'rhyme' 'iamb' 'Tetrameter' etc,
but they are so tough to understand.
First I tried to add some rhymes on my poem.
Please check it again.
(number 1 revision 1)
Over the Wave
Oh, your heart
Floats on the tide.
May your heart
Lie on the pride,
And have dreams
In snow flakes.
Oh, my heart
Sticks to the shores.
May my heart
Survive the tears,
No more dreams
In rain drops.
Oh, our hearts
Become a pair.
May our hearts
Dance in the air,
And have steps
In cherry blossoms
Friday, April 15, 2011
Hello : number 1
I'm ken, a male in fifties from Sendai Japan.
Just after the big earthquake and tsunami on March 11th 2011,
I wanted to make a poem in English,
because I want people of the world to know a little about the spirit of Tohoku
which is an area the disaster beat.
I'm not a native English user and this is my first attempt to write a poem.
So, there should be lots of mistakes not only in poems but also in titles and sentences.
And, there should be lots of advices to elaborate the poem to make it better.
Please tell me any indication and any advice which you hit upon.
I will adopt all the ideas that I can understand.
In the beginning, I dare show you my rough draft of a poem.
It may be once in a month.
Then I will revise it again and again according to the advices.
(number 1 revision 0)
Tsunami
Missing hearts,
Floating on the sea,
Lying on the land,
After shallow dreams.
Surviving alone,
Sipping a cup of tea,
Saving tears again,
Under cherry blossoms.
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