I'm ken, a male in fifties from Sendai Japan.
Just after the big earthquake and tsunami on March 11th 2011,
I wanted to make a poem in English,
because I want people of the world to know a little about the spirit of Tohoku
which is an area the disaster beat.
I'm not a native English user and this is my first attempt to write a poem.
So, there should be lots of mistakes not only in poems but also in titles and sentences.
And, there should be lots of advices to elaborate the poem to make it better.
Please tell me any indication and any advice which you hit upon.
I will adopt all the ideas that I can understand.
In the beginning, I dare show you my rough draft of a poem.
It may be once in a month.
Then I will revise it again and again according to the advices.
(number 1 revision 0)
Tsunami
Missing hearts,
Floating on the sea,
Lying on the land,
After shallow dreams.
Surviving alone,
Sipping a cup of tea,
Saving tears again,
Under cherry blossoms.
4 comments:
nice poem. I have one question. Are you keeping this short like the Haiku's are, you can add a little bit to express some things.
Also, you can have rhymes too.
Thank you for posting the first comment to this blog. I'm very happy to get it.
I'll make the poem longer and I'll also add it some rhymes.
Actually so far I don't have enough knowledge and technique to make an English poem, but I have lots of thoughts to express through poems.
First I want to study about how to add rhymes on my poem.
Hi Ken, I think it is great that you are using poems as a form to express your feelings and thoughts during such a tough and testing time.
I think a poem is quite a personal thing so it is hard to give advice on the actual poem as it may change the meaning you are trying to create or portray. However, for your own progression it is great that you are open to new ideas as well.
If you would like to use rhyme it can be used at the end of each sentence to create a link.
For example,
"Your beautiful heart,
now far apart" Here the rhyme would be heart and apart. Maybe in your next version you can try using your own creative rhymes. Good Luck :)
Hi Baz,
I'm so happy to get your comment.
And thank you for your sincere opinion.
I'm now revising my poem.
Maybe I will show you the revised one in a couple of days.
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